August 01, 2026 | Meghan Parsche

Julie Tarney: a journey of love, growth and advocacy

Books about parenting non-binary kids didn’t exist in the 1990s when her child was growing up. So Julie wrote the book herself.

Julie Tarney’s parenting goals were pretty simple: love her son Harry unconditionally and give him the space to live as his true self. Determined to give Harry a better upbringing than she’d had, Julie took an approach to parenting that allowed Harry to lead the way—even when he challenged society’s established gender expectations. But that sometimes left Julie feeling conflicted between her desire to let him express himself and her instincts to protect him from bullying.

Since neither the internet nor inclusive parenting resources existed when Julie began her journey of motherhood, she became the change she wanted to see in the world by writing My Son Wears Heels once Harry was old enough to give her permission. She describes the book as, “What was at stake for me as the mom of a boy unlike any other I’d ever known; or rather, a collection of mistakes.” It chronicles her journey from uncertainty to a deep commitment to unlearning outdated ideas about gender and recognizing that gender identity develops over time.

It was just the start of what would become a career in raising awareness about transgender and non-binary people and educating others how to create inclusive, welcoming, and supportive spaces for the entire LGBTQ community.

Julie Tarney was born and raised in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. She has had a successful career, helping build the largest public relations firm in her hometown and later launching a personal leadership development consultancy. Her proudest accomplishment, however, is her child Harry, whom she and Harry’s dad knew from infancy had “a mind of his own.”

“Back in 1992, when Harry was two years old and told me, ‘Inside my head, I’m a girl,’ I thought he was confused,” admits Julie.

“Gender to me just always meant one of two boxes I checked on my driver’s license application. I didn’t realize there are people who say, ‘I don’t fit into either the boy box or the girl box.’ I was the one who was confused, not Harry.”

In My Son Wears Heels, Julie shares personal experiences in which Harry’s self-expression challenged the “either/or” narrative around gender identity. Julie recalls the Halloween when Harry, then four years old, wanted to wear the pink Power Ranger costume and expresses regret over convincing him to wear the blue Power Ranger costume instead. Years later, Harry explained that he gravitated toward the pink Power Ranger because of her sassy attitude and outfit, which happened to feature a skirt instead of pants.

“To Harry, pink was a happy color, and Harry was a happy kid,” explains Julie. “To him, there was no such thing as ‘boy’ or ‘girl’ colors, clothes or toys.”

Four-year-old Harry was simply drawn to what he liked, and he continued to express himself through fashion throughout his childhood and into adulthood.

As Harry grew up, it became increasingly clear that he wasn’t going to let the opinions of others influence how he expressed himself, and Julie’s understanding of gender identity grew along with him. She hated seeing how wounded Harry was as a young child when he wasn’t allowed to wear dress-up clothes outside of the house. Although her motherly instinct to shield Harry from negativity was always in the back of her mind, Julie was determined to protect his self-esteem. She let him push the limits of societal expectations if she thought he would be safe.

Despite his confidence, Harry wasn’t immune to bullying, which started in fifth grade. Rather than allowing hurtful comments from peers to dim his sparkle, Harry responded by thriving—excelling academically and channeling his dramatic, performance-loving nature into activities that made him popular in high school.

Two years in a row, Harry hosted a “Miss Shorewood” drag pageant as a fundraiser for student council. As a sophomore, he donned heels to introduce the “Trashy Fashion” clothing line he created for the school’s Talent Showcase to cheers and whoops from fellow students. His senior year, Harry accepted his diploma in red patent leather stilettos to equally enthusiastic cheers.

Educating Allies

Today, Julie is an independent speaker and educator, helping businesses learn how to create trans-inclusive, welcoming, and supportive workplaces. Whether she’s speaking to a group of parents or in a conference setting, Julie says she often starts by explaining the difference between gender identity and sexual orientation, which many people outside of the LGBTQ community don’t understand.

“I find in talking with people that many are afraid of saying the wrong thing, but no one expects you to know everything,” explains Julie. “Taking the time to educate yourself is important, and the only expectation the LGBTQ community has of you is to treat them with respect.”

Long before Julie was a mother, she was an ally. Horrified by the government’s handling of the AIDS epidemic, Julie participated in the first AIDS WaIk in Milwaukee. Julie is a former Huffington Post “Queer Voices” blogger, former board member for PFLAG New York and It Gets Better and current volunteer with the PFLAG Safe Schools Program, offering relentless support for parents and families of gender non-conforming, non-binary, trans and queer children.

Recognition of Julie’s advocacy work includes a Milwaukee Pride BeOUT Award for LGBTQ Visibility in 2016, being named a “Favorite Queer Hero of 2016” by HuffPost, and one of BlogHer's “Voices of the Year” in 2015. My Son Wears Heels was included in the inaugural collection of the Big 10 Academic Alliance Open Books Project, which focused on gender and sexuality. Thanks to this project, Julie’s book can be downloaded and read free of charge (you can access it here).

Like many parents, Julie often wondered if she was doing things “the right way.” She describes Harry as “a great kid” who continues to thrive—these days in New York City—as an artist, creative director, stylist, author, and drag performer. Julie also relocated years ago and now lives in Brooklyn.

She’s Harry’s (stage name Amber Alert) biggest fan, applauding the loudest at performances—whenever she can stay up that late.

Learn more about Harry James Hanson at our website.